scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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