My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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