smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
