i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
