A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
