Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
