Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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