The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i think i just lost a toe
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
