A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mom said you looked used
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
