i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
