White coat. Heels.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
