I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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