its not stalking. its research.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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