I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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