I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's official drugs can't kill me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
