Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
