Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
