Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
