pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize