We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
