That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
