Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
