My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
