Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
