you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
