dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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