I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
