i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
