This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
