it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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