We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
