I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
