I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
