I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
