nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
