i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
