i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
