I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
