If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
