This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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