her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
