Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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