I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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