Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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