I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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