Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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