well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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