Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
