the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm like, not good at living.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
