when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
