Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
