Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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