Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
