Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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