I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
