you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
