Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
