SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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