She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
