I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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