theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
