I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Everclear isn't food dammit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
