so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
