youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
