i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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