u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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