Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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