I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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