I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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